FRIDAY FICTIONEERS/Consumed

Copyright Janet Webb

 The rain came down like god’s tears agreeing with hers.  Boisterous winds clamoring outside, shook the room where she huddled in one corner, holding a picture frame while the waters rose. He left to find help an hour ago.  Her heart refused to believe, yet she knew, if he could, he would’ve return.

 The water rose consuming everything in sight, reaching her neck, splashing cold in her mouth. For twenty years they lived here, made a life, a home.  Resigned to her fate, she surrendered to the waters just as a voice broke into the downpour’s intensity. “I’m back Helen!”

Copyright © 2013 Glynis Rankin

17 comments

    1. Thanks for the welcome Janet.
      I wanted it left open to the readers interpretation.
      Thank you so much for the visit and comment

  1. Welcome! I hope he’s come back with a boat. Or at least a couple of lifejackets. Hope you enjoyed your first visit, and look forward to seeing you again next week. The main action starts on Wednesday here when the prompt is published so if you get here a bit earlier you’ll get more reads.

    1. Thank you Sandra for the welcome. II have enjoy this weekend of wonderful stories by some wonderful authors. I plan to return next week, and hopefully have something worth reading.
      Thank you again.

  2. Dear Glynis,

    ‘Shock the room’? ‘He would’ve return?’

    ‘Resigned to her faith?’ Or fate? Lots of things to derail a reader’s train of thought.

    Just saying.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. Dear Glynis,

    I think welcome to Friday Fictioneers is in order.

    I hope he can swim. I think you might mean “resigned to her fate” not “faith”. If I’m out of order, disregard.

    In any case I enjoyed the back-in-the-nick-of-time ending. 😉

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  4. Hi there, your story has a lot going for it, but it is let down by some typos and the need for some punctuation. Don’t be dismayed. I often go back and edit mine after I have posted in haste.
    Your sentence beginning with Boisterous winds needs changing to “Boisterous winds clamouring outside, shook the room”, or “Boisterous winds clamoured outside, shaking the room” – your choice. Probably some commas in that sentence, for pauses would also make it read better.
    The following sentence should be “yet she knew, if he could, he would’ve returned.” to make it work. (would work better with could have and would have, but I know we only get 100 words to use)
    Finally, I think you mean “Resigned to her fate, just as…”
    So your heart was there, but you were just to hasty in getting it up on the blog. Please edit it, to make it work the way you wanted it to.

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